Daily writing prompt

Describe a phase in life that was difficult to say goodbye to.

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As always, I’m putting a special twist on a WordPress writing prompt of the day. Here are eight things you lose when you acquire a disability.

1. Food Freedom – Sometimes a new disability comes with needed dietary changes, like the well-known healthier eating required for diabetes or high blood pressure. Or you may be diagnosed with something food-centric, like celiac or a new food allergy. Or, as often happens, a new disability means that, for whatever reason, you can no longer tolerate foods you once were able to engorge yourself on. Maybe you used to have bread for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but now even half a doughnut causes crippling stomach pains for a week.
2. Romantic/Dating Options – Nothing quite slims out the dating pool like a life circumstance that requires a sacrifice. Single parents have often bemoaned the struggles that come with dating with kids. In the same way, having a disability means that your prospects have lessened as people seriously consider if they want to give up their life of apparent freedom to sacrifice for someone else. Now, while this might make it harder to find a date, on the bright side, it does tend to weed out the dating prospects who are selfish and leave the ones who could show real, lasting love. You just have to be careful, as there are also people who might pick you out just to exploit you (though even folks without disabilities encounter this!).
3. Friends – Chances are, some people will end up seeing you differently when you have a disability. Similar to #2, this may weed out the selfish people. However, not everyone that starts spending less time with you is selfish. Maybe they just don’t know how to be a friend to someone with a disability, and it never occurred to them to just ask. Maybe they think that you turning down offers to go out somewhere means you don’t want to spend time with them anymore, and they don’t consider other ways to hang out. Maybe your new disability reminds them of their own struggles, and they can’t cope with the pain. At any rate, try to be patient and forgiving, as the loss for you is a loss for them as well, even if they don’t realize it.
4. Hobbies – You may have to suddenly stop one or several hobbies, like hobbies that require a lot of physical exertion or precise manual dexterity. Or, you may have a condition that’s slowly declining, and your hobbies drop off one at a time. No matter what, you might find yourself being challenged to seek out new hobbies that you’re still able to enjoy with your disability.
5. Job Options – Sometimes a disability can cause us to lose a job. While we are protected by the ADA, there are still limitations. If we simply can no longer do a job, we may find ourselves seeking out employment elsewhere. But if you have a physical disability, that can limit jobs that require physical activity. If your voice isn’t what it used to be, you probably won’t be making presentations or talking on the phone all day. If you were a first-class editor but now have a mind clouded with brain fog, you may not be able to trust yourself to catch the errors you used to. Career possibilities can become frustratingly lesser with a disability.
6. Focus/Peace of Mind – Whether the brain fog mentioned in #5 does you in or you suddenly don’t have the emotional or mental control you used to, a disability can directly affect your mind and emotions. Even if they weren’t directly affected, the grief from a new disability can feel overwhelming in the beginning, or even as the days go on if your condition trends toward a decline. And if you have chronic pain, you will probably end up distracted all day as you try to mentally block out the pain.
7. Independence – While this is not the case for everyone, often a disability comes with a loss of independence. Sometimes it’s major and you completely rely on someone else to bathe you, dress you, and so on. Other times, the changes are small but still frustrating, like having to bring a friend along to “talk for you” if your voice is feeling strained.
8. Dreams – If we weren’t born with a disability, our dreams for our future don’t usually include being disabled! Becoming disabled requires a lot of self-examination and assessment of dreams and life goals. While there is often a season of grief, sometimes a disability can open up new possibilities never before imagined.

Despite what a disability can take away, we don’t have to be without hope. A disability can give us a totally new perspective on life, and we can learn to become more compassionate. It may also give us a clear vision for future goals and a passion for the hurting. God can use any situation we find ourselves in and turn it around for the good of those who love Him.¹

If you find yourself having a mental health crisis, call 911 or 988 (in the U.S.). If you’re not in crisis and need a good therapist to help you work through the losses and the grief, Psychology Today is an excellent resource for finding therapists in your area. Remember, you are not alone in this!

In your free time, learn about Joni Eareckson Tada, who became a quadriplegic when she was 17. She now has a worldwide ministry helping people with disabilities. While her ministry’s reach is amazing, her radiant heart reminds me that my circumstances don’t have to steal my joy (easier said than done, I know!).

1. “We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.” -Romans 8:28 ↩︎