Daily writing prompt

If you could permanently ban a word from general usage, which one would it be? Why?

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One of today’s writing prompts asks what word we would ban from general usage. As always, I’m adding a little spin and picking a term regarding disability. I would not be sad if the term “special needs” disappeared from common usage. I’ll explain why, and then add a few different perspectives at the end.

1. It feels condescending. When I was in grade school, we’d use the term “special” as an insult. Kids were special, in the special class, riding the special bus. While the word in general use is supposed to mean “better, greater, unusual, exceptional”, we used it the opposite way, to mean “lesser than”. It’s hard to shake that “ick” I get from using the term about other people. And we still use it as an insult, don’t we? “Well, isn’t she special?”
2. It’s often used as a euphemism to avoid “disabled”. Some people will say anything to not have to say someone is disabled: differently abled, handicapped, challenged, special needs, or even “a person with disabilities”. Folks, it’s okay to say someone is disabled. “Disabled” isn’t a bad word! And whether you use person-first language or simply say someone IS disabled, it gets to the same point. If you’re not sure what to say, ask someone what phrasing they prefer, and use that. But I have found that a lot of folks in the disability community are just tired of the verbal hot potato.
3. It’s non-specific. I’ll admit, this one is weird to me, and perhaps it’s because I take everything literally in life. If you are going to tell the world your child has “special needs”, it helps to give clarification on what those needs are. While you don’t need to disclose their entire medical history, you are already telling us they need unique help by saying they have “special needs”. We can help them better if we have specifics, whether you are telling us what the disability is, or you’re telling us what needs they have that require unique accommodations. Also, lumping everyone in as “special needs” removes the unique characteristics that makes our differences beautiful.
4. It’s isolating. There is a reason why many in the autism community refuse to let puzzle pieces represent them. We don’t want to be puzzling to other people. In the same way, saying someone has “special needs” makes them sound puzzling. It immediately sets them apart as different and potentially challenging. It tells us that they have mysterious needs, and we immediately feel unequipped to help them. This is where I refer back to #3, in that specifics are more helpful.
5. The parental identity. We’ve all heard the term “special needs mom”. But it’s not the mom who has special needs, but the child. I’m concerned about how many parents find their identity in their child’s disability. Sadly, many bloggers and social media influencers take this to the extreme, making their entire monetized channel about their kid’s disability, and often their child has no way to give consent. This is another set of blog posts that I’ll have to write in the future. But folks, I’ve never heard someone call themselves a “cancer mom” or a “spina bifida mom”. There’s something about the term “special needs” that has become easily adoptable by moms who need a cutesy identity. And I personally have not heard this term used to refer to one’s own needs.

Sorry if that was a bit of a hot take for you to read! I’m curious what your thoughts are. I also want to offer some thoughts from another perspective….

Different Perspectives

We can use the phrasing that helps us the best. If you find that you really connect with the phrase “special needs”, go for it. I still don’t feel comfortable with parents using that phrase unless their child explicitly asks them to use it. But for our own selves, we should feel free to use the phrasing that helps us the best.

It’s not malicious. I don’t believe any healthy person is using the term maliciously. As much as it irks me, especially considering how the term was used in my childhood, I can admit that the word “special” has been redeemed for some people, and they truly do say it in love. Not everyone says it lovingly, but those who really care about their disabled family members and friends are not using it to be condescending.

There aren’t necessarily great alternatives. As mentioned, you are not obligated to give your child’s entire medical history. Heck, you don’t need to disclose anything, even if their disability is “visible” (vs. invisible disabilities). But if we ever want to talk about our kid’s disabilities, we might prefer to use a broad term that indicates they have unique needs without going into details. In fact, some may use the term “special needs” to protect their child as much as they can. There really aren’t a lot of great phrases to speak about their disabilities in a broader sense.

So what do you think? How do you feel about the term “special needs”? Are there other phrases you wish would disappear into oblivion?